Posted: May 9, 2000
I sat on a wooden folding chair in front of my computer, listening to my body whine at me.
"You don't take care of me." it said.
"I take care of you. I feed you, I clean you. I even take you out for bike rides every week." I replied.
"Yeah, but you make me pedal so fast that you wear me out, and I end up getting diseases like I've got now."
"I'm sorry for pushing you a little too far. And this isn't a disease, it's just allergies acting up."
"Allergies are a disease as far as I'm concerned. And where's my Claritin?"
"I'll buy some if it doesn't clear up soon."
"Yeah, yeah. Everybody says THAT to their body. You don't love me. You sleep in a dusty room at night and fill me up with foreign particles. You're trying to kill me."
"Hey, who was it who opened the window last night before he went to sleep? Was it not me?"
"Little comfort. I'm probably gonna get Parkinson's disease and then you'll just get yourself transplanted into a big, sexy titanium body with bionic muscles, and leave me to rot and decompose in a gutter."
"Look, don't talk that way. I promise I'm gonna take you out today, and we'll get some nice fresh air, and we'll ride slowly so you don't get tired."
"And get a new chair."
"I need to rearrange my desk and clean my room before I do that."
"You don't love me, you just want me for my body."
"Listen, I do love you. I've just got some priorities to keep in mind."
"What could be more important than little old ME?"
"You're very important. But I'm not just a physical entity. I have a strong mental identity, vivid emotions, and an active spiritual side as well."
"Horsefeathers. I'm all you'll ever need!"
"You know that's not true. Anyway, I promise I will get you a new chair to sit in, but I've got to clean up my room first."
"You and your sense of style. Makes me wanna puke."
"Don't puke. I ate breakfast for a reason."
"Can I throw myself off a cliff?"
"No."
"Can I buy a personals ad? 'LOOKING FOR SWEET LOVING. Underindulged body seeks new brain to give it the time of its life. Pagans, especially rich pagans, welcomed.'"
"I know you don't mean that, because you always get this way when you're recovering from an illness."
"I need sugar. I want gelato."
"We'll bike over to piccolo grande just for you."
"Slave driver. I want gelato hand-delivered while I sit in bed and get massaged by ladies with silken hands."
"I'll get right on that."
D.